At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
