shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
