also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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