Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
