Your face is a jimmy john
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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