I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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