I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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