First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
