I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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