Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
