2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
