Redeem this text for a blowjob
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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