I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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