Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
