and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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