Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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