Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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