Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This toilet bowl is my home.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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