I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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