I accidentally burped into my bong.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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