i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
