so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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