i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
