She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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