Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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