You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
