afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
