what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
