Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
