He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
