I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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