He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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