Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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