one might say we're banned from that church
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
