If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
