So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
