before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize