I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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