That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
