How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
