every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
