So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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