kristin has been a bad kristin
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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