Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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