he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
