It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
