My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
