My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
