New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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