help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
