Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize