clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
