In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
