I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
