it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
