Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
