Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
