How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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