You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
