I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
