On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
