mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
