he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
