Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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